1-800-Weirdos

50. On the Train With Help from Manchester

2007-11-04T22:47:00.001-05:00

To celebrate the fiftieth episode of the 1-800-Weirdos broadcasts, we begin with the return of the folks from Manchester, Gemma Forrest. kurt radcliffe, james walsh and james sellars who we haven't heard from for two years.

We also have some other voicemail samples, and some text by Nathaniel Hawthorne.

But the most remarkable part of this broadcast was that it was recorded and produced on the train from West Palm Beach to New York City.

49. Maya, Tom, and Tolstoy - Look Away!

2007-05-24T23:21:00.000-04:00

Evil is Nothingness! I just had to mention my newest friend (and an amazingly talented singer) Maya Sky, my old friend (18 years now!) Tom Ritchford and read to you from Anna Karenina.

48. I'm far away - in really bad shape

2007-03-03T18:42:00.000-05:00

Dark days are here to stay. Yet this broadcast manages to be upbeat. I read some text from Adolph Schmitler and random text from junk email.

Some of the latest voicemail messages from Weirdos have been loaded in a sampler and are played back. And we begin preparations for the milestone 50th broadcast!

47. Meaningless - It's been a long time.

2007-01-07T13:06:00.000-05:00

Everything in my bedroom is detailed, and I sing a song for all of the Weirdos. In honor of the Mark Twain show I'm directing, I read a bit from "Letters from the Earth". And, as the title implies, I do a bit about the meaninglessness of meaninglessness.

46. Lanuage and Sermons - Mark is listening live

2006-10-13T14:40:00.001-04:00

The first live broadcast in a long time. Mark was chatting to me in our new chat room while the broadcast was taking place.

I spend some time reading from George Orwell's essay on "Politics and English Language" and then I do a sermon that almost makes sense.

I end off with the traditional "Done for the Day" number.

45. The Animals - What if I Fell in the Forest?

2006-08-29T23:37:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Mark, I invited a bunch of animals into the studio and they ran amok. I also muse about the meaning of life and wonder about falling in the forest which I can't see for the tree.

44. Taking the Limp in Stride - Out and About

2006-07-07T22:53:00.000-04:00

Things continue to change for me, Weirdos.

The vocal for the second part of this broadcast was recorded while wandering around the East Village, NYC. You can hear me walking to Tompkins Square Park and spending some time there. I'm less depressed, so if you've grown weary of my sadness (as I have), you should like this episode a bit better. The first part was recorded a couple of weeks earlier, and I was pretty sad then.

I refer to Julian Jaynes book, which I've been reading lately. You can see the "MirrorMan" video I refer to on my Reel website, or link to it directly.

43. Slowly - Am I Sad?

2006-05-07T23:07:00.000-04:00

This broadcast includes some messages from callers, and a full band orchestration.

I feel better this week and I hope you can hear it in my voice.

42. Lost My Identity - I'm So Confused Or Not

2006-04-10T13:22:00.000-04:00

It was very inspiring to receive a response to the last podcast. I really want to connect with all the Weirdos and that seems possible now.

Issues covered in this episode are the death of Doug Walker and my thoughts about Alan Watts and Albert Ellis.

41. Return From Madness - where have I been?

2006-03-19T09:52:00.000-05:00

A bizarre adventure caused a long absence.

I do my best to explain where I've been for three months, without mentioning any names. I lost myself and am only just now coming back from a deep emptiness.

A little quote from Salvador Dali, an ad for "instant problem fixing cream", and my "Theme to Forever", a piece I wrote 25 years ago or more.

Thanks to the Random Good Stuff file and Rubber Room Radio, both of whom have expressed interest in this podcast which makes me happy.

40. What's funny? - A flexible keyboard

2005-12-14T15:12:00.000-05:00

Do you think you're more eccentric than I am?

"Monstrous Lives" and "Psychedelic Ramblings" are included. Also, "What Does it Mean to be Funny," "Harsh Owls," and a sermon on "Waking People Up."

One of the instrumental tracks is played on my new "roll up" keyboard (the "cheesy synthesizer").

39. I'm Not Impossible - volunteer today!

2005-12-01T15:23:00.000-05:00

Volunteer today for the 1-800-Weirdos TV Show! I need you all to join me on video. Email me at radio@weirdos.com for more information on how you can be on TV.

No samples from Weirdos voicemail this week, but lots of impromptu songs.

38. Back to Basic Lunacy - What the Hell?

2005-11-21T22:28:00.000-05:00

What the Hell indeed? Another message from those wackos in Manchester, England. I threaten to go visit them, so watch out!

This episode was very quick and dirty, so good luck listening to it. I hope you can still think afterwards. Included is a trip to the Weirdos Factory.

Call 1-800-Weirdos today!

37. Something thinking - Another fine mess

2005-11-15T00:34:00.000-05:00

It's time. We must all be weirder, and help those around us to stop being normal. You can make a difference. Be weirder today, and tomorrow will be stranger for it. What happened to you? You became me...

No readings this week, but lots of great samples from the Weirdos voicemail. More input from the Manchester weirdos, crikey! The truth is that I haven't been in Wolverhampton since 1986, but it was a good way to make sure you guys were really Brits - no one in America has heard of Wolverhampton.

36. The Struggle of the Weirdos - The Week I Wasn't There

2005-11-08T04:38:00.000-05:00

Overwhelming, isn't it?

This episode contains some more phone messages, including several from Bob. Also, some more rwading from Poe, this time his "Hans Pfaal" story, an early work. Also, "Cut and Paste and Sh*t". A nonsense ritual, and a rant about the secret 1-800-Weirdos TV show.

35a. Manchester Weirdos Visit - Stamp Out Normality!

2005-10-25T02:22:00.000-04:00

The video podcast is still not listed in iTunes, so subscribe through Feedburner.

Thanks to james walsh, gemma forrest, kurt radcliffe and james sellars for calling in and inspiring this live broadcast! Hooray for Manchester, where the Weirdos of England are hiding and ready to stamp out normality.

Readings are from a piece by Nathaniel Willis on the death of Edgar Allan Poe, and the inscription from Oscar Wilde's gravestone.

35. Green Screen Madness - watch the video

2005-10-24T19:24:00.000-04:00

The video podcast still hasn't shown up in iTunes, so go through Feedburner to subscribe.

Now, this podcast is really just the soundtrack to the video, so sorry if it doesn't make any sense without seeing the visuals. I'm afraid that's going to happen a lot - it's way too much work to do a separate show for the video.

However, I am only wearing underwear in the video, so that alone may be worth it for you.

Included segments are "Take These Back" and "Look at This".

34a. You couldn't understand - Don't even waste your time.

2005-10-17T22:27:00.000-04:00

The video podcast, the 1-800-Weirdos video podcast. Tune in now or be infantalized.

Another live interlude. It's great to jump on live these days; it avoids an awful ot of mess.

But I'm way too busy to add any comments. I refuse to type anything in this field.

34. Rowing on Lake Sacandaga - looking at where you came from

2005-10-10T23:15:00.000-04:00

In a row boat on a lake - that's where this was actually created. Granted, I did a lot of post production on it, but I really enjoyed doing this one.

It's also the first to have a video shot during the creation, so it's the first episode in the new 1-800-Weirdos video podcast that I'll be premiering in the next few days.

I couldn't do any readings of random text since I was busy rowing, but there seemed no end of things to talk about. Pieces include "why wouldn't they rent me a power boat?"

33a. LIVE and ranting - back from vacation

2005-10-07T01:10:00.000-04:00

Sorry, Weirdos for missing the Monday night podcast. I was exhausted after climbing Mount Lafayette.

This is a live broadcast I did when I had just returned home. I still have a lot of video and audio from the trip to edit, so i'll be posting that ASAP.

Also, I'm going to start a separate video blog for the videos. More on that soon.

33. The Lake - the big room in my mind

2005-09-26T21:57:00.000-04:00

It was raining and I was rowing with my shirt off, so I couldn't actually create this broadcast out on Lake Sacandaga. But, I hope next week to actually broadcast from a mountain top in a tent. We'll see.

Be grateful I'm posting anything at all - I am on vacation.

Anyway, pieces this week include "thinking about thinking" and "the big room inside my mind". Video has been posted, but I moved the link to the Weirdos website because in iTunes folks couldn't access the audio file, just the video. It's here. Perhaps this is the beginnning of a vlog? Only time and madness will tell.

The video is now posted as part of the 1-800-Weirdos video podcast.

32-long. Does That Make Me Crazy? - with bonus DV jam

2005-09-19T23:29:00.000-04:00

Why is it so long (that's a rather personal question)? Well, I went back to the old method of creaqting this stuff using the Yamaha QY-70. I may hjave to keep doing it this way - I'd forgotten how flexible it is for this sort of thing.

So it came out as long as the original live Weirdos Broadcasts (episodes 1-15) but is at twice the bit rate, so the file size is a bit larger than I usually would limit it to.

The "bonus DV jam" is tacked on at the end. It represents the method I'll be using to record the podcasts during my vacation over the next two weeks. I may record directly to a DV camcorder, hence the name.

31. I Certainly Do - What's Your Excuse?

2005-09-12T22:46:00.000-04:00

You never really know with these broadcasts, but the important thing is that I never really know. This one is particularly unknown to me, and I kept myself guessing throughout.

Included pieces are "Future Services" and "I Need More Weirdos" (which I do).

We need more of you to take over the World and stamp out normality forever. Why haven't you called 1-800-Weirdos yet? Are you normal? All the more reason to call and freak out now. Splunge.

I'm a little worried about the strength of this episode. YOU definitely SHOULD not under any circumstances TAKE LOTS OF DRUGS before listening to this recording...

30. Hi, Bob - contributions from an old friend

2005-09-06T00:45:00.000-04:00

Verge is not dead, although they do smell funny. Having heard from the original drummer, Bob Jakuc, I have dedicated this broadcast to him and included the messages he left on my home machine while I was concocting this particular episode.

Text includes Shakespeare's Ninth Sonnet and an excerpt from The Egyptian Book of the Dead.

29. The Very Idea of It - Wacky voices galore.

2005-08-30T22:09:00.000-04:00

Never and always (at least before knowledge) try not to know anything before always eating the end of your mouth inside of the mind of the thinker which indeed knows the end of the always ever expanding things.

So many voices - what are they all talking about? They don't even know.

Included is the story of the "Superlative Horse" that I told my dying grandfather.

28. Death is in - from a Florida hotel room

2005-08-23T00:35:00.000-04:00

Created away from home - I was in a Florida hotel room. This was a challenge to make one of these shows without my usual equipment.

Included is a short reading from Mark Twain's "Some Rambling Thoughts on an Idle Journey".

Many morbid subjects are covered, including the death of Robert Moog and the shooting of Hunter S. Thompson's ashes out of a canon. Plus a discussion of dualism and Descartes' "Cogito Ergo Sum". Also a number called "No More Truth".

27. Welcome to The Void - Episode One: A New Dope

2005-08-15T22:41:00.000-04:00

A new series premieres this week! I've combined some of the character voices from past broadcasts together with a script and suddenly we've begun the "Welcome to The Void" saga. Sid and Cindy are seeking entertainment in the void, and their friend Harry is the one that's going to show them the latest thing. In future episodes we'll meet Lester and Phil, creators of the mysterious entertainment product being discussed in this first show.

Apart from the "Void" pilot, we have some other rants, including how angry and pised off I am about something or other, and a whispered plea for you to open up your mind.

26a. Morning Surprise - Wake up to the Weirdos!

2005-08-11T08:16:00.000-04:00

An unplanned mid-week LIVE broadcast. I jumped on the air when I noticed one of our listeners had been tuned in for almost an hour! I would recommend checking out the live radio streamat www.weirdos.com. I jump on there when I see that folks are tuned in, and it's really exciting for me to know you're listening to me at that exact moment.

I encourage all who listen to call in (800-934-7367), and I will patch you into the live stream if I can manage it..truly interactive and much more interesting than a talk show.

26. The Stupidity Telethon - (Thingy)

2005-08-08T23:50:00.000-04:00

Very wacky, with some great Weirdos callers. The bits include "Thingy," "The Stupidity Telethon" and "These Are the TImes." Also, a wonderful composition based on one of the classic Weirdos voicemail messages - "Get Out of My Butt"...truly a masterpiece in its own right.

The first LIVE broadcast to be posted as a podcast since the iTunes listing started. Probably very disorienting for those of you who've just started subscribing recently. Oh, well.

25. Only Always...never again - an emotional outburst from Jeremy X.

2005-08-01T21:58:00.000-04:00

It's very confusing to be in two places at once. You can hear that happening all over this broadcast. I like this one much better than last week's episode.

Text included is from Shelley (see Stanzas 18-21), Einstein, and Goethe.

Also an excerpt from Hawkins Electrical Guide. For those who are insterested, the figure referred to is here:

24. Weirdos on Parade - Why Haven't YOU Called?

2005-07-25T23:42:00.001-04:00

Wild dance beats accompany recent callers to 1-800-Weirdos: some of the best messages so far. If you haven't called yet, what are you waiting for? You can be mixed into future broadcasts, so call me, you wackos. Numbers this week include "Sexy Knees." As you can hear, the band is back this week. I decided to force the keyboard player to use only an organ sound in honor of Ray Manzarek of The Doors. I just recently saw their performance at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony.

I read some text at the end from the autobiography of Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov. The Weirdos who called in are really the stars this week, much like the 1-800-Weirdos CD.

The listing in iTunes has tripled our popularity, so thanks Apple!

23. Orchestral Crapola

2005-07-18T23:59:00.000-04:00

Go to http://www.weirdos.com and call 1-800-934-7367 right now!

Hosted by a new character, Herman the Snake (a good friend of Helena Helium) for this week's show I decided to exclusively use orchestral instruments. "I guess the band couldn't make it." Bits include "Empty Head," "We're Listening," "Floating Down the River," text from "Quotations from Chairman Mao," "Dreaming and Controlling," and "Merciful People."

What do you think? Do you think? Either way, email us at radio@weirdos.com

(In addition to our listing in the iTunes Music Store, you can find us on Odeo.)

22. Danger! Read Instructions Before Using.

2005-07-11T20:22:00.000-04:00

It is rumored that this broadcast makes people's minds explode. We assume no liability for your sanity. Our recommendation is to keep your finger on the "Stop" button in case you lose touch with reality. The problem appears to be related in some way to the fact that by pure chance, the broadcast is precisely twenty-two minutes and twenty-two seconds long.

That being said, this Podcast Broadcast was created specifically to celebrate the 1-800-Weirdos Feed getting listed in Apple's iTunes. You can find us in the Music category of the Podcast listings in the iTunes Music Store. There is an abundance of swearing in this one because of our "explicit" label in iTunes (I see it as a mandate to use really foul language).

"Don't forget that your numbers can describe anything." Also, "It's a Mess" and "I Used to Be Crappy but Now I'm Happy."

The text towards the end is from Grigory Rasputin's "My Thoughts and Meditations".

21. LIVE Again - the Weirdos who are listening right now...

2005-06-21T18:23:00.000-04:00

Surprise, we're LIVE again.

In the original tradition of this shit, this one is entirely live, and what you hear is what the folks tuned in heard as it went out over the Internet.

I got home from work and saw people tuned in to the live radio station and just had to jump on and do some stuff. It was great fun. Lots of samples from the 1-800-Weirdos voice mail - including friends of mine.

20. I'm Sick of It - Xenochrony with guest star P. Pularso Dumm

2005-06-03T17:49:00.000-04:00

The theme of this show is "I'm sick of it". It's in 3/4 time, and a rather slow tempo (56 bpm). I had intended to vary the tempo during post production, but (in the immortal words of Steve Martin) I forgot.

Included is a version of the final cut from P. Pularso Dumm's album "The Cheesequake State" ("Wishing Them Into the Cornfield"), and some Frank Zappa references. I sing a phrase from "Half a Dozen Provocative Squats" and refer to "subconscious tension" a la "Penis Dimension", both from "200 Motels".

In addition this broadcast was composed using Frank Zappa's "Xenochrony"* approach. The parts were recorded with a metronome, but no awareness of each other. Loops were placed that were in the right time signature, but without knowing what they would be underscoring.

* from the Greek words xeno (strange or alien) and chrono (time). As he explained, "In this technique, various tracks from unrelated sources are randomly synchronized with each other to make a final composition with rhythmic relationships unachievable by other means."

from http://mixonline.com/recording/business/audio_mothers_sound/

19. Starring Helena Helium - explaining her power

2005-05-25T21:03:00.000-04:00

I can't tell you how exciting it is to see how many people have subscribed to this feed and are downloading the podcasts. I really feel like I'm sharing my brain with you all...

This particular show is really out there. Who is talking? I don't recognize the voice, but I think her name is Helena Helium. I became enamored of a pitch shifting effect and decided to use it for the whole show. It's called "Helium Voice" and it was really blowing my mind. Listening back to it now, it sounds like the voice Scott Thompson of Kids in the Hall uses when he plays Queen Elizabeth.

This show is in the key of F sharp minor, and the time signature is seven-eight. However, most of the audio loops are in 4/4, so it doesn't really work out that way.

Apropos of nothing, I refer to "Eddie, the Phlorescent Leech" which is one of the stage names for Mark Volman and Howard Kaylan from the Turtles and the Mothers of Invention. Specifically I'm thinking of "I Could Be A Star Now" from Frank Zappa's 200 Motels.

I must confess I remixed this one (three times) so it's about as far from live as I allow myself to go. It was worth it though - I really like this one.

18. Abstract Loops - I can make it go up and down, and I can make it stop.

2005-05-21T09:40:00.000-04:00

Another "Live in the Studio" broadcast released only as a podcast. It's fun to make them this way. This one uses a lot of loops. Both the loops that Apple includes with their GarageBand application, and a wonderful looping delay called "Augustus Loop" from the fine folks at Expert Sleepers. It's a pretty abstract broadcast. Phlegm. "I can make it go up and down, or I can make it stop."

17. The Studio Broadcast - a tribute to Ken Nordine

2005-05-09T20:14:00.000-04:00

May 9th, 2005 - the first ever studio broadcast, made especially for the podcast. I took all the liberties one takes when not live, but I didn't cut anything out. While I did some multi-tracking, these are all first takes, recorded two at a time. Anyone familiar with Ken Nordine will recognize his influence, especially on the overdubbed vocal.

8. Done for the Day - just the end

2005-05-08T11:08:00.000-04:00

The end of the broadcast, including the obligatory version of "Done for the Day".

7. Random Text and Voices - playing back messages from Weirdos

2005-05-08T11:03:00.000-04:00

Begins with the last minute or so of the first telling of the story of the man and the painting of the Fish. Includes "instructions for what to do if you're weird". Also, a version of "There is a Curious Paradox" from "The Fantasticks". Then I dial in to the 1-800-Weirdos voice mail and play back some of the messages, including two from Dan Bethe, who was a guest in broadcast number 6.

6. Audience Participation - Dan meets the Head Weirdo

2005-05-08T10:45:00.000-04:00

A midnight broadcast originally webcast live on August 7th, 2001. I read some text submitted by listener Dan Bethe, who then calls in and participates in the broadcast. Unfortunately at a certain point there is much distortion.

16. Welcome to Now - live for the RSS feed

2005-05-05T01:05:00.000-04:00

The first new broadcast to be posted for the podcast RSS feed. I just had to do a new one to make sure I was ready. Crinkle. Frank the Panda makes an appearance (he wears an eyepatch).

15. Shakespeare and Verge meet.

2005-05-04T23:36:00.001-04:00

The last of the original broadcasts, live on 10/8/05. Begins with a mutation of Hamlet's soliloquy over some live Verge.

14. I Am Not Here

2005-05-04T23:36:00.000-04:00

Originally broadcast live on September 30th, 2001. The theme for this show is "I am not here".

13. Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow - applause interaction

2005-05-04T23:35:00.000-04:00

featuring sound effects, as well as "merry christmas darling" and a very warped version of Cat Stevens' "Trouble". Includes interaction with applause sound effects. Finishes up with a recitation of "Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow" from Macbeth Act V, Scene V .

12. Tell Funnier Jokes - recovering from 9/11

2005-05-04T23:34:00.000-04:00

Originally broadcast live on September 16th, 2001. Recovering from 9/11, I quote Woody Allen's "Stardust Memories," especially the aliens admonishment to "tell funnier jokes." "Our happy little country is transformed."

11. A Tour Through Alternate Dimensions - two days before 9/11

2005-05-04T23:33:00.000-04:00

Originally webcast live on September 9th, 2001 (last chance for innocence). Opens with some of Verge (http://www.weirdos.com/verge) recorded at the 1995 NYC Marathon. Then, a tribute to Ken Nordine (Word Jazz web site). Included in this is a tour through alternate dimensions.

10. Back to Basics - piano only

2005-05-04T23:32:00.001-04:00

Originally broadcast live on September 2nd, 2001. This week's theme is "back to basics (piano only)" inspired by "Music from the Hearts of Space" show "Harmonic Harbor".

9. The Story of the Man and the Painting of the Fish

2005-05-04T23:32:00.000-04:00

includes the story of the Man and the Painting of the Fish. This is the second attempt, after it didn't make it out during the 8th broadcast.

5. Super Silliness - Beasty and the Handsome Cabin Boy

2005-05-04T23:29:00.001-04:00

features an instrumental piece called "Beasty". Also a silly rendition of the traditional tune "Handsome Cabin Boy".

3. Everything is Everything.

2005-05-04T23:29:00.000-04:00

Originally thought to be broadcast live at 7:30 am July 8th, 2001, it turned out only the last 5 minutes was actually broadcast. The theme of this show is "everything is everything".

2. Death - take it as it comes and then blow it away.

2005-05-04T23:28:00.000-04:00

Is life anything at all like a box of chocolates? This question and many others (such as "who knows?" and "what the fuck is going on here?") are left unanswered in this second broadcast. My best advice seems to be to "take it as it comes and then blow it away." Includes a piece about death, followed by some interaction with applause sound effects.

1. The Beginning - What Am I Doing?

2005-05-04T22:58:00.000-04:00

the very first LIVE broadcast ever. The historical significance just oozes out of every byte. Actually there was an earlier one the previous day but it didn't get recorded. "I don't know what time to go on, or if I should go on..." Has a very early prototype version of "Done for the Day". A bit about being easily offended, sensible, or predictable.

4. Old Verge numbers - songs from the repetiore.

2005-05-04T21:58:00.000-04:00

The first podcast, but the fourth of the original live broadcasts. Originally webcast on July 15th, 2001. Includes renditions of many old Verge numbers (http://www.weirdos.com/verge), such as "On Your Way to Hell" and "Soul Sucker" as well as the title song from "Speak of the Devil" (http://www.weirdos.com/devil) and "Evil" from "Little Idiot". Also, a couple from the "Funbox 2000" soundtrack, "Subway Rain" and "Strange Pleasure".